Sunday, February 29, 2004

It's about time I blogged. I just didn't have the *desire* to blog within the past few days. Why? I'm just pure lazy. Besides, I had work to do. I still have work to do.

Tomorrow will be the first day of the progress tests. I really don't see the importance, and there's way to many tests in a year. I'd like to make a suggestion that we have four semesters instead of two. (But hey, who am I that the Ministry of Education will listen to, huh?) In that way, students will have four tests instead of, what, six tests in a year (?). If I'm mistaken, then, I apologize.

There was something that happened to me in church on Saturday. And I can't shake off the feelings I felt when it happened. I'm not sure whose great idea it was, okay, because I had a whole room of people laughing at me. And for goodness' sake, there was an adult in the room (who, I believe, was the one who made a crack about me). The people in the room were, unmistakably, laughing their heads off at me. I regretted responding to my friend's call. Apparently, he was the one who invited me to go into to room to be laughed at, but, luckily I didn't enter. I just watched from the outside. It was already bad enough from the outside. They were laughing at me like as if there was something really wrong with me. And that adult person had such a big laughing mouth that I could've *stuffed* both my sandals and my underwear in that person's mouth. Then I'd really give them something to laugh about.

After that, I felt really down. It reminded my of a time in my life when I was ridiculed, if not bullied mercilessly, day after day for one miserable year. The whole class was against me. There was only one person in the class that didn't join in the teasing. Her name was Aarthi (yes, an Indian), and until today, I'm still thankful to her for being my friend at that time. I still remember the day when some of my "classmates" threw pens at me. They were really sharp, and caused my back to bleed. But I just endured it, because I really couldn't do anything about it. And I remember the day I was beaten up as well. It still makes me feel depressed when I think about it. Everyone in my class was against me. I even had to fake being ill just so that I could skip school. I even cried night after night. That whole year was hell for me.

I really wish what happened to me on Saturday didn't happen at all. I really wish it didn't happen...it brought back bad memories. I thought, after all this time, I've forgotten all about my painful past, but it caught up even before I could forget it. I really shouldn't have gone to the room. I really shouldn't have listened to my friend. God...the tears are coming. If only I could reverse time. I would ignore my friend. And I still can't believe it: my friend called me to be ridiculed.

The scene of laughing faces are still vivid in my mind. It's playing over and over again. Gah...I really shouldn't have listened to my friend!!!

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?dael had a question at 4:50 PM

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

First day in school for the week. Yes, you read it right. Tuesday is the first school day for the week. Why? Simple. Yesterday, Monday, that is, was a holi-holiday! It was a k*r*ng holiday. Don't ask me what that word is, because I could die if I typed it out fully. If you really wanna know, come to me personally. I'm not even gonna say it on the phone. Who knows my line is bugged or something, and someone's listening to my every conversation on the phone???

Talk about being paranoid.

My eyes were just (and still are) so tired when I went for my weekly music theory class today. I had *much* trouble keeping them open. I even tried to blink excessively just to keep awake. Didn't work too well, but hey, at least I stayed awake.

Anything deep happened in school today? No. Okay then, good night. My eyes are like filled with so many capillaries. You should look at Elvina's eyes. They're so clear and pearly white compared to mine. Mine's like lined with little squiggly red lines. Ugh!!!

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?dael had a question at 8:00 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2004

I'm so stupid. I typed my song title wrong. It's supposed to be "You're a Part of Him".

Once again, it was performed in front of the whole church. I was kinda afraid of how it will be accepted. Afraid that my song might seem sucky. Fortunately, most people liked it! I was relieved. I was so happy, really!

My "mentor" Eugene commented on my song. He said that it was really really nice. He even told his wife about it. What surprised me most was that Lorraine's mom, Aunty Chiew Phin,(an accomplished pianist and musician) approached me, shook my hand, and said congratulations upon my song's "success". Apparently, she liked my song too! I was glad too when Dr Kwok told me how much he liked my song. *And then, there was an American (I think, cuz he was Caucasian) visitor who personally came to me to shake my hand and praised me on my song!

I mean, Eugene and Aunty Chiew Phin aren't orang sembarangan. These two people are in the professional music world, man!

I have to thank Elsie, who really brought out what I wanted from the song. And thanks to all my friends, and especially God. I really hope that I can continue to produce more songs for church and God. Thanks for the support you all have given me and will give me. Thanks!!! I think I sound like I've won some sort of award already. Sheesh.

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?dael had a question at 8:05 PM

Friday, February 20, 2004

Friday night program (which was, unfortunately, organized by me) was more of a success than it was a disaster. For one thing, there were supposed to be 5 musical performances. 2 got minused away due to some reasons. So there was 3 left (5-2=3). And then, 1 got cancelled because of misunderstanding...they (the performing group) thought that it was next week. So I just had to make do with whatever I had. Secondly, the LCD projector wasn't cooperating! Argh! I was so pissed off with everything, but was becareful not to show it. Then I told myself to focus on God. And it worked.

For the first time in my entire life, my own (composed) song was sung in church today. I liked what Elvina (the lovely MC) said after I finished performing it: (Roughly) "That song is 100% composed by Lyndelle. So don't go and ciplak it or cetak rompak it or pirate it. If you want it, go and ask him. Otherwise he will sue you". I was like laughing at what she said.

So anyways, here is the song. But before the song, is my luahan hati. The song was sung none other than charming Elsie, and she read my luahan hati. The song is entitled "He's a Part of You".


When everyone is sick of you, and you're can't help but feel sick too. Will you hate yourself, or hate them who hate you? Or will you open your eyes and look into yourself, to see whether they're wrong or you're wrong.
Can't you feel yourself, and the emotions around you? Will you let the emotions come over you, or will you harden your heart to feel nothing?
Maybe you're not sure about what to do, so sit in quietness and wait 'till it comes to you. Hope is there when you least expect it. Hate will turn to love, enemies will become friends. Pain will turn to joy.


He's a Part of You by Lyndelle Lawrence
When you're feeling all alone
When the world is no more yours
When your friends are enemies
It seems like there's no one else to turn to

Chorus
Just close your eyes
And open your heart
You will hear His voice
When you let Him in
Then you will find that
He's a part of you
And you're a part of Him

Don't lose all of your hope
Don't even try to look for it
It will come to you in the end
When you start to look for God

Bridge
If you're losing, if the world is winning
Don't give up, keep the white flag down
Let God's love keep you standing up
Then you are sure to win


P/s: Thank you God for the inspiration and the gift of music!

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?dael had a question at 8:57 PM

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Why do I have to learn additional mathematics? (notice that I did not use capital letters to spell the subject, because I don't respect it.) I dislike it so much. Almost wanted to use the word "hate" instead of "dislike", but then I thought that "hate" is such a strong word. Fortunately I won't have to study it anymore once I take music, or acting, or modelling or something. Hehehe...

I've just realized something about myself today. And that is that I get angry more easily than before. I'm meaner than before. And then I regret more too. I wonder what is happening to me? Maybe my psyche is unstable or something, you know. *sigh* I still have one conflict to solve soon. Stupid misunderstanding! I shouldn't have gotten angry with that person. It wasn't that person's fault, really. *argh* I'm not telling you that person's name. But here's a clue: it's none of my close friends. Sometimes, I hardly see that person at all.

Well then, good night. I want to check my mail before I surf the net.

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?dael had a question at 7:41 PM

Monday, February 16, 2004

Monday blues...

I woke up in my room (yes, I've moved back in with the assumption that the rat got away). I have to say that I slept quite well. Then I went to school.

And then I came back from school. The end.

Let me just do something okay? *SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

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?dael had a question at 5:42 PM

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Friday
-embarrased myself in front of church. how? first, i said "good morning" instead of "good evening", then screwed up my hymn numbers, lastly announced the wrong name for opening prayer. ppl were looking at me, trying to hold their laughs back. oh yeah. for the first time, Mick was an hour late for vesper. so we just sang songs until he showed up. he then talked on for about 10 minutes. then, choir practice.

Saturday
-played the piano for chinese church (and luckily didn't screw up there!). and then i accompanied Eugene on the piano while he played the sax for english church. after lunch, we had choir practice. then, it was then i "broke down". the song we were practising was so...touching. it was about Jesus dying for us. musicwise, the tune wasn't too great, but lyricwise, it was good. really touching. then afterwards, i got angry at someone from just a misunderstanding. aiyah! later on at night, i had my first taste of archery. it's so cool! went out with Dicky, Jason, and Wycliffe. came back at around 12 ++. real late for me :)

Sunday
-woke up at 9 am all refreshed although slept late the night before. my dad was "clearing" up my room, cuz he saw me sleeping on the couch again. so he decided to do something about the rat. it's not there anymore. i hope. and then, watched Totally Spies, took a shower, and then watched Beakman's World. then, i makan, do homework. and i've got a problem. i have a bahasa assignment to hand up but i can't print!!! die oh. really die. then, played the pc for a while, before eating dinner and then bathe. and now i'm back here again. can't wait for Mutant X. okay then. good nite y'all.

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?dael had a question at 6:49 PM

Friday, February 13, 2004

Sorry for not blogging for the last, erm, 2 days (Wednesday, Thursday). I was *really* busy.

I watched The Last Samurai last Wednesday evening. It really made me depressed for no reason. Perhaps I really felt the character, or perhaps I felt like I wanted so much to be part of the story. It is from these feelings that I've always wanted to do acting (professionally). There's this urge in me to appear in front of the camera and act. I believe that, besides playing music, through acting I can express myself.

There's one acting part that *should* be mine during the upcoming Easter Cantata. I'm to play Silas, a bible character, and I hope to get the part. And I must do a good job. If I must cry, then I will. But I've read the script, and I don't think there is any crying scene for me.

But being a clean actor isn't gonna be easy. (Almost) every movie is filled with sex and what not. If I'm to act like having sex, no thanks dude.

Enough typing. I've got surfing to do in less than an hour.

Happy Sabbath.

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?dael had a question at 4:57 PM

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Tuesday. I dread Tuesday. Why? It's the day I get less time to do my homework compared to the other days of the week (with the exception of Friday and Saturday). And that's because I had 1hr20mins of music theory to learn. There was a lot of schoolwork to do today, and after a few hours of completing them, I'm proud to say that I've finished them all! I think...I really hope that I didn't forget anything, or I'll be dead meat tomorrow. Wahhhhh....

There is rat poison in the trap. It is pink in colour and looks like chalk, like the one the teacher uses to write on a blackboard or greenboard or whatever. Nyeh nyeh nyeh.

This is my last year, so hold on. God, give me the strength to face school for the rest of this year!!! I'm already thinking of what results I'm gonna get. I'm not aiming for what everyone expects me aim for. I'm afraid of "disappointing" them. That means that I have to make myself clear: don't expect too much from me. No one asked you to. I mean, I haven't made "aims" myself and you guys are already "aiming" for me. What the???

Well then, I'm pooped. Really pooped. I gotta get me some beauty sleep. I've noticed the area under my eyes getting a little darker. But not that I care anyway.

p/s: Dear little rat-who-one-day-decided-to-share-the-room, if you're reading this, I want to tell you that I have bought really nice pink food for you. It is in a wire mesh box which will provide you protection when you eat the food, which of course is in my room. I hope you'll visit it as soon as possible. Afterwards, perhaps we shall go for a swim. Love, Lyndelle.

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?dael had a question at 8:21 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Yes! It's Sunday!

I have been sleeping on the couch since 2 nights ago. Tonite will my by third night. The rat in my room has gone absent. My dad said that it had escaped to find food. But I'm still not convinced. The trap's still there, still waiting for the rat to enter. I will not sleep in my room until it is 100% confirmed that the rat is gone. Whenever I enter my room, I get really cautious, listening for any suspicious sounds...so much so that I get startled when someone knocks on the door. I guess that I'm being over-cautious.

I spent 3 hours today completing my homework. Elvina, if you're reading this, I can't do question 8 of add. maths! Yikes.

So I will end here now. It seems that Mutant X has been pushed up to a later time tonite. Stupid SureHeboh thingy going on now. Why don't they ever warn us about changing the time for shows? Guess I'll have to tape Mutant X...but since I'm sleeping on the couch tonite, I could probably curi-curi watch it...hehehe...

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?dael had a question at 8:12 PM

Friday, February 06, 2004

Yay! Friday is here again! I'm looking forward to Sunday. Why? Mutant X! I'm an absolute fan.

Correction: I mispelled Chap Goh Mei. hehe.

I've got many things to do now.

I didn't sleep well last night. I had a RAT in my room. A big black one. I saw it scurrying around. It's still in there now. I need to catch it, and then perhaps I'll decide its horrible fate...heheheh. I'm thinking of letting it swim until it gets really tired, and then I shall...drown it. Heheheh.

I didn't sleep in my room last night. How can you sleep with a rat in your room? So I slept in the living room. But I still couldn't sleep, because I kept worrying about my room. So I watched tv until 1:00am++. Fear factor kept me awake. It was simply...cool.

I have only one message for the rat citizens out there: Mess around with me, prepare to swim. You'll wish that you have never stepped into my house. Muahahahaha...(echo fades away...)Or perhaps I'll bathe you in water. Boiling water. Muahahahaha....

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?dael had a question at 5:23 PM

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Happy Chap Goh Meh!!! (if that's how you spell it)

Right now, I can hear some distant music, which doesn't sound English.

But before that, I went to school. I loved today, mainly because we were dismissed 4 hrs and 40 mins earlier! But, this afternoon, I tried so hard to stay awake just to complete my homework. I managed to finished about 3/5 of it. My add. maths assignment I will complete on Sunday. I can't finish my Chemistry report!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH! Yikes. Tomorrow I think I will die.

I need money. Someone please send money to me. Broke.

*Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

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?dael had a question at 6:15 PM

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

I've been working on a new design. Whaddaya think? I'm not sure if it works fine, but if there is anything wrong with this design, please let me know!

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?dael had a question at 6:01 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

I can't believe I'm blogging now when I should be doing something else. Anyways, there was one poem written by William Blake which was read by Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) in Tomb Raider 1 movie. I love it so much. It's really beautiful.

To see the world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

*sigh* Innit beautiful?

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?dael had a question at 8:40 PM

Monday, February 02, 2004

Yay! Today is a holiday! Unfortunately, there's school tomorrow...*wahhhhhh* Despair despair!!! 300-some days more to go. Yikes.

I've been trying to complete all my homework today, but I can't! I just couldn't think straight. When it's holiday time, my body simply "shuts down". My brain becomes laggy, and my body gets real lazy. Help! But I have to complete my homework!

Well then, this is enough blogging for today. I know it's short, but, hey, at least I blogged. Good evening...

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?dael had a question at 4:48 PM